Which Is Your First - Listening or Speaking?

Many years ago I heard the story of the five-year boy who came home after playing with his friend Johnny and asked his mother, "Where did I come from?" His mother was taken back but tried her best to explain the birth process on a very simplified level. When she finished, her son said, "Oh, Johnny came from Cleveland." If she had only sought to clarify and understand his question before she began trying to answer.

Stephen Covey's book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, contains several principles that help a person to become a more effective leader and person. One of those principles is "Seek First to Understand." The basic concept is that too often we are trying to state our position, view, or answer prior to understanding what the other person is telling or asking us. Following this principle could prevent a great deal of misunderstanding within families, churches, businesses, and even nations.

While Covey's work is very practical in nature, it is surpassed by the words we find in the Bible. For instance, in James 1:19-20, we find these words of instruction regarding listening and speaking:

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every peson be quick to hear,

slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not

produce the righteousness of God."

Too often we are more interested in making or proving our point or establishing our postition than taking the time to understand where another person stands. When you consider the realm of politics and international relationships, this failure to understand often leads to separation and even to conflicts and perhaps wars. The same can be said for conflicts between husbands and wives, parents and children, and between friends.

But is there a level in which our failure to listen or understand has the potential for even greater failures or consequences? Consider how often the Apostle John used one specific phrase as he recorded and shared the message of the Lord to the churches in Revelation.

"He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says

to the churches."

Revelation, chapters 2 and 3, contain a separate message to each of seven churches. In each case near the end of those messages we find the same wording that is printed just above this sentence. While the messages are aimed at seven churches, is it not true that the entire Bible is filled with words, instructions, and even commandments that are aimed at us today just as they were aimed at persons and nations in various historical periods? Accepting that as truth, we also must have our ears open, seeking to hear and to understand all that God is saying to us today.

Here is my basic point that I want to convey in this article. We must all become more willing to listen and to understand each other. We may not always agree with each other. But without understanding, we will never find ways to discover the solutions to those things that separate us. Likewise, paying attention to what God is revealing to us through His Word gives us the opportunity to know the truth and to begin living on the only path that leads to Him. It is on that path that we also discover the way of better relationships with our fellow man.

So what will be your ongoing pattern of communication - listening or speaking first? I believe that the scriptures give us the clear answer to which one we should employ. How will listening to understand effect your life and the lives of others near you this week?